Chica al borde - Epílogo

I've been home a few weeks now. Not much has changed. Although I do see things a bit differently now. Not really differently, I just have a different appreciation of it now. Like the utter diversity here, and the fact that I can pay with my card and not get charged. But there are other things that I liked and kind of miss about Madrid/Europe too. The sights, the hanging legs of jamon, the transportation systems, the constant walking that helped get my ass into shape just a little bit.

But by the end of it I think I became so jaded. I was reluctant, defiant even, to take pictures of the beautiful things around me let alone stand in line for something like the Louvre or the Effiel Tower. I had little to no expectations from wherever I was, which was either a good or a bad thing. I had little disappointments, but I wonder if that I meant I lacked the drive to see what was really around me. Then again, I was technically on vacation and damn if I didn't need to relax for a bit.

Studying abroad and traveling has a lot of hype. Good or bad, it does. So much so that I'm not sure that my experience could've ever lived up to it. Rarely do they speak of the everyday ups and downs and quirky details of living abroad, details which I live for. But I would never say I regretted it. I still enjoyed my time there. I love Madrid and Spain, and wish I got to see more of it. Hopefully I will one day.

I suppose this is why I'm reluctant when people ask me about my trip sometimes. I feel as though they expect it to be amazing. Which sometimes it was, sometimes it was far far from it.

Pero supongo, que eso es la vida, no? Y aqui estoy. Still doin' the same ole' same ole'. Future still unsure yet steadily approaching as I go into my last year of college. Just coming back I felt somewhat different, maybe a bit bolder than I used to. But I suppose for me, talking to people that speak english is generally easier and relatively less stress-inducing than speaking in spanish. It'd be nice to say that yeah maybe in about 2.5 months time I've changed a bit for the better. That maybe I'm not so much the 'chica al borde de un ataque' as I was before. But who knows.

I still have a long year ahead of me and of figuring out my life now that I've returned to the real world, with real classes, work, graduations, and potential careers to face. Yup, life's just about the same thus far.

And still I ask, "Que coño estoy haciendo?"